Faith it Away

I’ve been fighting negative thoughts the past few days as Florence tightens up on Covid restrictions. I had so much that I wanted to do this week! I’ve been hitting these street pretty hard the last few days just strolling around looking at building and taking it all in. I knew there was a possibility that a lockdown could come when i decided to come here but that doesn’t stop my anxiety from flaring up from time to time making me scared and frustrated now that I’m in the thick of it. I worry about being sick again. I worry about my family getting sick in Charlotte, my friends in ATL and my dog! Not to mention the new friends I’ve made in Italy and my sister circles of travel buddies I’ve made all around America. I have faith that they will be fine and have faith that I will be too! There’s nothing I can do about it anyway, except pray! 

I’m truly learning that no mater what happens around me, I can only control myself and although I can’t ever control the outcome of any situation, I can control my thoughts and be present in each moment. When I get too far ahead of myself I always start to worry. So now I just cut those nervous thoughts off when they come. I intercept them with faithful affirmations and continue living in the moment. It seems to be working so far! 

The slower pace of life here in Italy constantly reminds me to stress less. Before I left Charlotte I was having anxiety attacks so bad that it felt like a heart attack! It would last for up to 24 hours!!! Imagine not being able to control your body and your thoughts for 24 hours! Ugh! Covid really did a number on me! I felt that the only way to fight through it was to really go above and beyond. I needed to make a move that would settle my spirit and renew my faith. My first trip to Italy was a game changer and I always knew I needed to come back. 

The people here enjoy simplicity. They’re healthy, social and admire art, design language and food! The culture is really into enjoying life! They’re religious, they  like talking and forming meaningful relationships, they believe in loving on  family more and working less. Nothing is so important that it can’t wait here! Nothing starts on time, runs on schedule or goes according to a streamlined process. 

Planning is not something you can easily do here and for me it’s a challenge. In Italian they say “piano, piano” it means “slowly, slowly” and it sums up the lifestyle here. I had planned to go out everyday exploring new areas of the city. Having cappuccino in every café, happy hour at all the outdoor bars and visiting museums, but God said “No Sam, relax! Be content with where you are and protect yourself”.

I hear you God! So what if I have to stay in the apartment a few weeks until the virus cools off out there. I’m safe indoors, studying, keeping a low profile all while renewing my faithfulness. I’ve never had issues with having to stay at home before, so why let this devilish anxiety give me issues with it now? I’m in Florence and I’m not leaving any time soon!! Why would I let failed plans this week create frustration when I know my failed plan is nothing but a reminder from God that I should be doing something else anyway? 

If God is ordering my steps and the steps of those around me I can only have faith that things will always go according to his plan. It’s a tough pill to swallow for my type A personality but I’m learning. “Piano, Piano” slowly, slowly.