Happy Non-Mother's Day

So, Mother's Day was over the weekend and it's always kinda odd around this time because I'm unmarried, mid-30's with no children. You'd think I'd be used to the questions by now, but it's always difficult to get creative about the lack of activities in my uterus, especially when talking to people who are seemingly strangers.

In the grocery store, and the gas station yesterday, the check-out ladies awkward "Happy Mothers Day" well wishes are

easier to take. I'm in a rush so I just smile and keep moving. No back story, no details. I'm sure they mean no harm but I can only imagine being a woman who can't carry a child or dealing with the loss of a child and have strangers throw the mother's day greeting around with such joy.

Anyway, I'm off topic... Today at work, my coworkers conversations about my mothers day require a bit more detail then with the check-out lady yesterday. The obligatory "How was your Mother's Day? What did you get? Did you do anything special?" No, No I did not because I'm not a mother, now stop it with the judgmental eyes and don't be sad for me. I had an awesome day anyway.

The follow-up question is usually "How old are you again?" I'm 34 and yes I know that my eggs are aging and I don't have all the time in the world. Your reminders about my biological clock aren't making things any better, and no I don't want to hear about how old you were when you had kids, what you were doing when you were my age blah, blah. My life is nothing like yours. It's my own! But thanks for sharing.

I've gotten this question about having kids so much that sometimes I just lie. 'Oh it's coming soon, don't worry!" That line usually makes them feel better. Or "I'd love to start trying!" You should see the relief on their faces knowing I wanna get pregnant soon. Smh.

The truth is, I have no crystal ball. I don't know when it'll happen and no, I'm not trying because I want to be married first and honestly, some days I'm not sure I want to bring kids into this crazy world. I have enough anxiety. To think about a small person that I love more than life itself feeling any negative emotion or harm makes me wanna go psycho and I don't even have kids yet. Not to mention the fact that I'm an only child and yes, I enjoy my free time. I love sleeping in and I don't do well with change.

I'd have some hard feelings to deal with if I got pregnant. I know these things about myself now, but honestly if it were to happen tomorrow who knows what i'd feel.

You never know until you're in the situation yourself, and just because you get sad about some aspects doesn't mean you can't appreciate the positive that having children may bring. It's just that i'm a pessimist. I go toward the bad before the good.

To all the non-mothers out there, Happy Non-Mothers Day! Don't let the pressures of society make you think you're doing something wrong or you're weird because you don't have kids at whatever age you are. I know it's easier said than done, but nobody can live your life but you. Don't let anyone else control your uterus! Not your friends, grandma, your parents, nobody. That's your decision so chose your options wisely.

They say having a kid is like getting a tattoo on your face. You kinda wanna be fully committed.